I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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