Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
