Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
