Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
