I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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