Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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