White coat. Heels.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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