So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
