vagina is talking i cant
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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