And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
