Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
