Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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