who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Randomize
