Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
