worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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