So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
