talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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