Where did you get a picture of my penis
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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