Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
