there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize