The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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