She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
