She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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