I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
