He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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