"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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