You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
