i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
