yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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