dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
