Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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