im about as happy as oj after his trial
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
