"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
