we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This is the high leading the old right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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