I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i drank out of a bidet.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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