i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
