As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
