my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
