arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
