i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
only you would photoshop your dick
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
