Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize