either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize