I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
