3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
