pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
