I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
