I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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