I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
