Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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