I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize