I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
