I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
