I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
