my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
