Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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