see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
