My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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