You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
