Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
