rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize