ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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