hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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