You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
