you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
