Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she told me i tasted like america
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
