If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize