i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
