I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
