Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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