She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
