she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm passing your future prison.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
