I accidentally burped into my bong.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
