So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
